discovery.

going through life is a challenge. it always will be. it will never become easy. we have to make choices. each choice we make can do one of two things: benefit either yourself or others, or begin to destroy ourselves or others. when you first look at this the answer is obvious. i want my life to be beneficial. i do not think that many of us would choose the latter with the specific intent of hurting ourselves or those around us. many of us know what beauty is. but there is sin in the equation. and this makes us look at the choice we think would most benefit ourselves. this one usually is the one that hurts others. and therefore, in the end. will also hurt us.

mistakes are made. they always will be. but through each mistake we make there is the opportunity to open our eyes and learn. we can discover love. we can discover hope. we can discover each other. and we can discover Him. we just have to be searching. 

"But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul." ~Deuteronomy 4:29

exhaustion.

School can be so stressful, especially this last week during finals, many times I forget to spend time with God. My grades are my top priority, not my morning devotions. This, like many things in my life, needs to change. I need to make sure i am focused on the most important thing in my life. Not my grades. Not my friends. Not myself. But God.

persevere.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit -
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

~Unknown~

  

Persevere through everything you do! God gives you strength! 

love never fails...

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails."

these verses have been on my mind lately as i struggle to love those around me. I wanted to share them with you and challenge you to have true love. Because you know, love never fails...

lonely.

i hate feeling left out. i know that i am not the only one in the world who ever feels this way, however, this is a big issue in my life right now. i always feel left out. left out of jokes. left out of lives. left out of the fun. left out of the love. especially recently. i am struggling with turning to God with my loneliness. recently, my best friend moved. across the globe. literally. she was the one i would go to whenever i would feel lonely. and now she isn't here. yeah. i know i still have God. its just hard. so hard.

I sit here all alone,
holding in all I have to say.
Can't someone see me crying here?
I cry here everyday.
I want to shout out why;
why I sit here and I cry.
But if someone gets to know the real me
they will leave me and just go on by
I 'm crying from the pain,
the love and the hunger.
If you're wondering why I'm feeling this,
you'll just have to continue to wonder.
To me it seems so clear;
I feel it's written on my face.
You try to read me,
but your guesses are so far out in space.
I try to get to the light,
but I still can't get out of the hall.
Can't you see me dying here?
The writing's written on the wall 
~April Walters

the words "i couldn't help it."

Lately i have realized how little i think about the words i say before i say them. and how little others do to. the tongue is a weapon. we can us it for harm or good. we, as Christians are to use it for the latter. the words, "i couldn't help it" often follow the words of Christians when they are used for harming or destroying. people laugh and say, "it was too good of an opportunity". this is what it sounds like they are saying to me.
"even though you are my friend and i love you, i have the temptation to say something hurtful towards you and tear you down rather than build you up. because i think this will make me look good, funny, or witty, i will say it. i am sorry... okay, not really."
so please, instead of trying to climb the next rung in the "ladder of coolness" pull that friend you supposedly "love" up to where you are. trust me. it might not seem to help. but it does. one kick in the face from a friend who is trying so hard to succeed you in that ladder can be so painful. and it will ultimately pull you down on their "ladder of coolness" as well, something you don't want if they are truly your friend. 

officially amazed.

okay. i looked up the song On the Inside by kyle kupecky to show you all.  a movie popped up called On the inside starring Olivia Wilde. yes, she has my name. yes, she has my blog title for her movie. yeah. okay. not planning that. seriously. i'm officially amazed.

here i am.

So. here i am. ready to start blogging. okay, so i know that hardly anyone will read this for a while (or years) but i am okay with that. it gives me a chance to get used to the idea that everyone may read my thoughts. but, i have a feeling that this blog is something that God wants to use me for. i don't know if anyone will actually see it. but maybe. just maybe. i can be a blessing to someone out there. i hope so. okay, so, hello world!